Here’s the thing: life in 2025 doesn’t feel like the future. It feels like standing in a CVS under fluorescent lights at 3 a.m., holding a receipt that’s longer than the Bible, wondering if you should buy Plan B or Skittles.
Every headline, every flight, every dumb news story — it all feels like corporate America is trolling us.
The Tylenol Generation
We’re the Tylenol Generation. They didn’t raise us on love or vegetables; they raised us on little chalky tablets and “walk it off.”
You sprained your ankle? Tylenol. Broken rib? Tylenol. Suicidal thoughts? Double Tylenol, soldier. At this point, half of us don’t have DNA — we’ve just got acetaminophen blood types.
And now the government’s like, “Oh shit, maybe Tylenol causes autism.” Great. Thanks for the update, science. So my uterus isn’t a sanctuary — it’s basically aisle 7 of Walgreens. If I ever have a baby, it’s not gonna be a boy or a girl. It’s gonna be 500 milligrams, childproof cap included.
Password Amnesia Is the Real Pandemic
Forget COVID. Forget bird flu. The real epidemic is forgetting your passwords.
We cry harder at the “Forgot Password?” button than we do at funerals. Like, “Oh no, Grandma’s gone, but worse — so is my Netflix login.”
Boomers had midlife crises. Gen Z has rebrands. Millennials? We’re out here on the phone with IT support while some 19-year-old tells us, “Ma’am, your password can’t be ‘iloveweed69.’”
Dumb News Is the Only News
We’re not even reading the news anymore. We’re scrolling a live-action Mad Lib.
This week: “Tylenol may cause autism” — terrifying. And directly underneath? “Loose cow spotted wandering through downtown D.C.”
I don’t know what’s scarier: pharmaceutical side effects or the fact that a cow can just walk into Congress and probably get more done than half the politicians.
Airplane Chaos: America’s Favorite Reality Show
Flying in 2025 is not transportation. It’s live theater.
There’s always someone crying like they just found out turbulence is a personal attack. Meanwhile, I’m in the bathroom vaping like it’s Coachella, and the dude in row 17 is clapping when the plane lands like he just watched the Avengers assemble.
I once sat next to a woman crying so hard I wasn’t sure if she was sad, drunk, or trying to summon a demon. Either way, I blew my vape cloud her way and whispered, “Namaste, bitch.” Emotional support fog.
Why We Keep Laughing
Because if we don’t laugh, we’ll break. We’ll end up crying in a middle seat with a cow as our seatmate, wondering if our kid’s first words will be “Take two and call me in the morning.”
The world is absurd. The only thing we can do is roast it, mock it, and keep taking notes until CVS finally prints the punchline on the bottom of the receipt.
✨ Want more chaos, oversharing, and dumb news breakdowns? I got you.
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